Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing—Benjamin Franklin


Coming Out of the Closet

Also… not only do we have Poe our cursed raven, we have now been joined by Boris, a squirrel living in our heater closet. I wish I were lying about that. I’m not. There is literally a squirrel preparing to hibernate for the winter in our heater closet.
We hear him running back and forth on the ceiling (I say ceiling because he goes in between the floors of our house) all day dropping what I assume are nuts and then scampering into the heating closet until we jiggle the doors or something and he runs away. We have had a few sightings thus far, but I think he must know that if I see him I am liable to strangle him because he hasn't been seen for more than a second. Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for sharing the wealth when it is appropriate. Birds nesting on the porch, mice underneath the front steps, woodland creatures playing in the yard and all that, but I draw the line at the heater closet.
And lest you think, “Ah! Poor innocent squirrel!” let me add that he is a repeat offender. The exterminators tried to get rid of him already—granted their version of “getting rid of him” was to put out traps with salted peanuts in them. I ask you: what squirrel in their right mind is going to go for a bunch of salted peanuts when there is a giant oak tree right outside? Anyway, the point is that he is back and this time apparently with a vengeance as he is at least twice as active.
After I balked at his decision that it must be killed, Angus McDaddyen (Bryce’s nickname when he is doing the manly things like killing spiders and chasing squirrels and what not) came up with a grandiose plan to—as he calls it—“form an alliance with the enemy” by feeding it and “taming” it in an effort to lull it into a false sense of security. This plan has been irrevocably vetoed. 

4 comments:

Laurie said...

I make Adam call me "Queen Wife of the Universe" when I am irritated at him and he wants me to do something for him.

HaleyL said...

Ha! I love it! We're totally going to have to adopt that.

Connie said...

I'm laughing my head off....(despite the fact that I wanna get all big-bad-grandma on that squirrel's behind, lest it drops its droppings anywhere near the vicinity of my granddarling...but I digress)because the Angus McDaddyen moniker is just too good to be true. Also, I have no idea how to spell 'moniker', so there's that. Anyway, thanks for the laugh. I'm so in LOVE with your blog. Keep 'em coming, Haley girl!!!!!

Shannon said...

You could always do what Joe was going to do for their oh-so-stubborn woodchuck. In the immortal words of Ian, "Daddy's going to get a gun and shoot that woodchuck!" Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...fluffy tail or no.

P.S. Little disclaimer - I don't think Joe ever truly shot that woodchuck, but maybe the death threats scared him away.

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