Disclaimer: This is gross. Really gross. But I thought it needed to be recorded for posterity so that I can explain to him why when his kids do it, it is payback. 
My mother sent this email the other day and there is no way I could describe the situation better than she did. 

"This afternoon Haley, Little and Gigi napped together. Girls are still asleep. I took a few minutes and took jack for a walk and brought in my laundry. When I came in Bryce was home from school and polishing shoes. I went next door to move laundry around and start mine. Came back and started folding the clothes. A few minutes later a little voice from down the hall announced he was awake. He added, 'I have poop!' Bryce kept working so I asked if he wanted me to go let him out...they close the door when little boy sleeps. He said 'No, I'm almost done.' A minute later he hopped up and went down the hall. I was on the couch folding clothes and cracking up so this is an overheard conversation, I didn't see. :) When he opened the door Little must have been standing there.
Bryce: 'Ohhhh. Did you take off your diaper?' (Remember the 'I have poop' earlier?)
'Hmm. Where did that poop go???...
'Oh Little...
On your table? Oh Little. It's on your hands and most of your room....
By this time he has Little on the potty and he has Clorox wipes in the bedroom. Things like, 'What if I don't find it all?' kept filtering down the hall. Haley is still sleeping. I'm still laughing.
'Where else did you put that poop?!!!'
'No more reaching in your pants and picking out poop!!'
'Promise, promise, promise you will never do this again.' Repeated several times.
He said it was like finger painting on the play table. He threw away a book. Poop was on the pages, not the cover.
Haley is still sleeping. I'm still snickering. Bryce is proud he kept swear words to himself. He did mutter that one word in particular would have been appropriate. I'm guessing it starts with an sh.
I'm so happy I was here. Priceless experience. So glad Bryce went to get him. He said he was too, that it would have been worse to have me say, 'Come see what your son has done.' I'm proud of Bryce. He was obviously disgusted but he sucked it up and not only cleaned up little boy but the whole room. He's still hoping he found it all!!

Haley and Gigi are still asleep."


We were really hoping that it was a one time thing. And then he repeated it for my mom the next day. Seriously. What on earth do you do with a poop artist?